Progress

Christmas was good. As was New Year's. And now the red and green and twinkle lights in shopping malls are being replaced by red and gold and firecrackers as we move into Chinese New Year season.

**My crutch enabler pb&j maker Au Pair (like a nanny, but more French sounding) Stephanie returned as planned to the US in December. So my plan of attack for still getting things done around here mostly included making my kids step-up their helping game.

In those rare moments when I have time to have a train of thought that pushes past the next to-do items on my daily routine, I tend to think about the moment I'm in compared to the moments similar to it, that passed months (or years) ago.

"Wow, 6 months ago Ivy wasn't big enough to take her plate and cup to the sink after a meal. She looks like such a big little girl when she does it!"

I love when I see progress. I am amazed at time passing and relish that my children are growing and learning and changing. Lately I've been wondering if I need to concentrate more on things I can do to purposefully grow as well.

Cheering on a 2 year old using her chubby peanut butter covered fingers while she flushes the toilet and telling my 4 year old "You can do it!" as she concentrates on not sucking her thumb has made me wonder where I'm to go as, in just a few weeks, I finish off year 35. (As in I will turn 35. You don't count it 'til you've completed it. In most countries at least.)

Where's the progress in my life? What can I learn to do? To stop doing?

My kids? Some of its easy to see...

Like this one here now has FOUR top teeth. Including the middle ones.
When our Ira Bear smiles he doesn't show his top teeth. Hence the mom grab on the face.
He can also pull to standing and cruises around everything. (but this picture is funnier)

And this one here? (Meaning, Ivy)

Has been potty training for 24 days now and only wet the bed 4 times. We go all-out on potty training here at the Rivers household.

Mama ain't buying no more diapers. Ya gotta learn kid.  And this little girl is holding her own in the toilet game.

Was there an incident in the produce section by the bananas? Maybe.
But have the expensive imported Skittles worked wonders otherwise? Absolutely.

Anyone who is just realizing that maybe their 4 year old daughter is sensory seeking, raise your hand.
{raises hand}

It's really just with food, and maybe there's something cultural to it, but progress is being made in getting this one to use utensils when she eats. (unless its french fries, nuggets, roti, pizza, or the like).
Slow painful progress, but she's trying. (I think) (and really, I'm trying to grow my hair out. I promise I didn't not learn my lesson in 3rd grade when I got bangs cut. It's a phase I hope to soon grow past!)

If you want to see a Star Student, feast your eyes...

This one here has been "consistently excelling in all he does." And if you think for a second that a piece of paper with a star on it is on par with "My child was student of the week...." bumper stickers back in the day (do they still have those?)  Then you would be overlooking him nearly mastering the "TH" sound in speech therapy, learning to READ, trying out the butterfly stroke in swimming, cleaning his own bathroom, AND making an effort to put others first at the dinner table. (Heaven help me when everybody wants to go first!) He can also count to 100. Boom. Proud as punch, I am. And he is too. Rightly so.

Progress in droves for this one (again, not the Daddy one, though I do adore him).

Isaac has been stretching his helpful legs lately. This kid has been working on calming himself down and also on what it means to be a contributing member of his family. Do I miss Au Pair Stephanie? YES! (hello, adult conversation all day!) But the trade to teach this one how to clean his own bathroom and make the garden beds look nice by weeding them has been worth the effort. He's so proud of himself and doesn't shy away from the hard work. Also a Star Student since the new year started "for being principled with the quality of work he produces in class."

I'm grateful for all I see in those around me and I want to be encouraged by it in more than just a "that's great for them!" sort of way.

Why not me?

I'm looking intently at what will progress in my life in 2016. Yes, new challenges in motherhood count as progress. But aside from the motherhood and marriage parts, I'm asking myself, "By December, what progress will I see?"

I'm a bit slow on the whole New Year's resolution thing. But I come 'round. And as a Christian I'm trying to see what sorts of things God is doing around me or placing in my heart. Even if on the surface they don't seem like "purely religious" ventures. If the Lord has gifted or enabled me to do something, I want to receive the opportunity as being from him and then do it as unto him.

So when the occasional long quiet moment occurs the list of possibilities starts:
Try something new sewing? What if this is the year I start a big heirloom worthy project?
Go back to school? Online programs? What would I like to learn? Doctor? Social worker? Business? Teacher? (nah, probably not teacher)
More Language study? A different language? I've always wanted to learn Chinese. French sounds so fun. But maybe I need Spanish?
Start something that flows from my faith in God? Bible study? Outreach to refugees?
Add a new cooking technique? Maybe get Julia Child's French cooking book? What if in 5 years I'm like a chef or something?
Start writing a book? Adoption related? Adventure fiction? Adoption adventure fiction?
Start that Booster club at school? Bring Cheerleading to my corner of Southeast Asia?

Sure, these moments are tempered with poopy diapers, (It's now 18 months until we will be done with diapers for FOREVER. But who's counting?)  practicing spelling words, and teaching proper spoon holding instead of eating sweet potato casserole with fingers.

But I think... "If I just pick one. And really try it. I wonder...." 

Hope your 2016 is off and running! 

**child in the photo on the far left is not ours. He's a neighbor and classmate of Isaac's. Clarification in case you thought you missed something REALLY big since the last blogpost.

In a flash

May 

June

July

August

September

October

A short recap and through careful examination of the photos, one would gather that,
1. We finalized Ira's adoption
2. We moved back to Malaysia
3. School has started back
4. Life keeps going

We've had an Au Pair, Stephanie (from Canada via Georgia), living with us since August and I STILL haven't found the time to update the blog. Apparently adding ONE child to the mix is enough to take away all of the extra time and more. But I'm a story teller and I couldn't stay away from this place forever. I've got some good ones you haven't heard and there's ones we haven't gotten to yet. So keep coming back, mkay? And I will too. (Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye... wow...that's way more morbid when you type it out than when we used to say it on the playground. Still though, I'm back.)

Friday Half Day in Pictures

TCKs

TCK- (n) Acronym for "Third Culture Kid." A child who lives most of his or her developmental years outside of his or her "passport country." A TCK's culture is a blend of their parents' culture and that of the culture in their host country. It is neither fully the first nor the second, but rather a third culture, blended from both.

I will be using this term more often around here, so I thought I'd introduce it to you in case you don't know it.

Believe you me! This isn't some made-up word so that I can make my sometimes socially awkward kids seem special. 

This term describes my children well, along with many of their friends.

Here's the deal, y'all. We'll be landing in America in just a couple of months.  Our minds are beginning to prepare for that transition.

For real though, a good portion of my thoughts have to do with things like sales racks at GAP, Old Navy, and Target. And the taco trailer. Also Cracker Barrel and that there are Reece's peanut butter cups on hand at every convenience store nationwide. Boggles. The. Mind.

However!  Many many of my mental wanderings have centered on my children entering into full-on US culture.  "Who are they and what will it be like for them?" I wonder.

While Ivy will be 9 months old the first time she sets foot in her passport country and won't look a bit out of place, or probably even act like it (what a sweet baby she is!) Isaac, at 6 years old, and to some extent, Isaiah at nearly 5, are bound to seem strange at times to some of our friends and family. They've now spent long enough living in their Third culture, that it's beginning to gel.

Isaac was 3 before he realized he didn't have black hair like all the other kids in his preschool.  Isaiah loves BBQ sauce because we eat it with our chicken wings. They both think chicken-rice is just what you get to eat when you go to the mall.  Isaac says, "Libury" "Full-stop" and "Tidy" like his British teacher, but "really" and "million" come out like his Chinese-Malaysian classmates' pronunciation. Ivy's favorite people at church are Filipinas (and she is theirs, I'd wager.) Going to the doctor in a neighboring country doesn't seem weird to them nor does eating sweet potato casserole and Philly Cheesesteakchicken sandwiches.

There are elements of both worlds in their everydays. Sure, they will probably call money "Ringgit" when we get to America, but there's an ever-present element of being an outsider here too:

Scene- Birthday party for a local friend at KFC. We are the only non-Malaysians in attendance. Clown does a magic show and calls each child up for a trick. It's Isaac's turn.
Clown: "Hello boy. What is your name?"
Isaac: "Isaac."
Clown: "Hello, Isaac. Where are you from?"
Isaac: "Malaysia."
Clown: (laughing and confused) "No, I mean, where are you from?"
Isaac: (confused because he thought he answered correctly, says nothing)
Local Friends Speaking up for Isaac: "He's from here! He was born in Malaysia!"
Clown: (still confused, carries on with magic trick anyway)

That was the first time I witnessed him encountering his "TCK-ness."

So if it happens to him here, I'm curious to see what it will be like from the American side. 

Since my youngin's look American, they probably won't get the question too often, but answering the simple question, "Where are you from?" is one of the more tricky answers TCK's find difficult to come up with.  Yes, he LOOKS American. His accent is American (well, mostly) his passport and Social Security number are unmistakeably American, but is he "from" there?

I try not to let my patriotism get in the way of me marveling at this happening to our kids.  I thank God for the sojourning life he's laid out before them.  Others, very long ago, have lived like my children are living and it was due to the providence of God and his great love and plan... Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph... all sojourners in lands that weren't their own.  I trust that the same God who loved those 4 mentioned above, also loves and cares for my children...no matter how succinctly they can answer where they are from.

 

So yes, sometimes I think about their TCK lives in super serious, deeply meaningful terms. 

But, most of the time I forget that they don't know what I know about the USA.
Most of the time I forget that they don't feel what I feel about the USA.

But then they'll say or do something that brings it front and center.

For example:

Scene- All of our children have a backpack for the specific use of being their travel backpacks and carry-ons for trips.  On each one, I've sewn flag patches from every country they've been to. Isaac was holding his backpack, looking at the various patches the other day.

Isaac: "Ooo, look Zayah, here's the Malaysia flag."
Isaiah: "Yeaaahh."
Isaac: "And here's USA. I've been there."
Isaiah: "Me too."
Isaac: "And here's Thailand."

etc etc

"I've been there." is his what comes out about the flag of the culture and birthplace of his parents and one that weighs heavily on his life whether he realizes it or not. But in his young mind, he has as many memories of it as he does of Bali and Singapore.  He's not dismissing it. He's not elevating other places over it. It's just his experience. And the experience of tons of kids like him.

Granted, he knows his grandparents live in Florida and that Disney World is there.  All of our kids regularly watch our home videos and several of them are from us being in the US.  They are excited about going this summer, make no mistake. They know loving hearts and arms are there waiting for them. That's what makes them excited.

I know my fellow overseas friends can vouch for this. Its quite something to watch it unfold before your eyes! To hear things come out of their mouths that other folks who have lived abroad have said they would say.

But still. I marvel at it all the same, though I was told it would happen. So I thought all of you should know too. I'd read the Wikipedia link. It's quite helpful.

If you happen to encounter a TCK, (mine or someone else's) just know that they might not be able to answer where they come from. But my guess is that where ever you are, where ever you are from, if you get the chance to make a memory with them- or a dozen memories!- they still won't be able to answer where they come from, but at least they will know that where they have been, they've been loved. 

The Gang's all here!

I've always been the type to just try and treat people as if we've never been apart when I see them for the first time in a long time. I give hugs. Smile genuinely. And chat. With some people this is easier than with others....but when it comes to a blog...what'd you do?

I'm tempted to give you a rundown of everything I haven't blogged about. And/or just skip it all and start with the fun morning I had in the yard with the kids today- it's Spring Break! 

But I think somewhere in the middle is where I'll land.

So here's my big smiley hug to you after not having seen you in a couple of months. Much is the same and if we get some time, I'll tell you about some of the stuff that's happened since I saw you last.

Deal?

K.

So. We're all still here!

See?

 

So if these pictures don't convey it well enough, I've been busy taking family-selfie pics by waterfalls.  Kidding. Well. Not really, as there's actually one more from a couple days ago I didn't post. 

Oh, alright. One more.

Also since I was last here, I've started calling any "selfie"  type picture with more than one person an "Usie" {pr: "Us- EE"}   (note to self: don't be the one furthest down in the usie. Makes your face look big.)

Spread the word.